


Belonging and acceptance

by Elisexyz



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, No more Mark of Cain (somehow), No season 10, Peaceful future, Some Cuddling, gadreel is alive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-11 14:26:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5629696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elisexyz/pseuds/Elisexyz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p> <i>“May I?”</i><br/>
<i>Sam glanced at Gadreel and nodded, holding his cup of coffee tight to avoid spilling its content all over his bed as he shifted to let the angel stay under the blanket with him. Gadreel carefully put his arm around Sam’s shoulder, looking at him in a questioning way, waiting for him to say if it made him uncomfortable or if he didn’t want to be touched in that moment. Sam smiled to let him know that it was alright, relaxing as he felt the warmth of the angel’s body beside him.</i><br/>
<i>“Do you enjoy Christmas, Sam?”</i> </p>
            </blockquote>





	Belonging and acceptance

**Author's Note:**

> Hum. Hey, there! Merry Christmas! (late) Well, this fanfiction doesn’t have a particular setting, I didn’t describe exactly how we ended up here and didn’t give much thought to it myself, I guess it’s just an AU in which Gadreel was somehow brought back and went to the Winchester because he literally had nowhere else to go. Gadreel and Sam’s relationship is at a good point now, more or less, they have become more “intimate” (not sexually thought, just… Cuddling and sleeping in the same bed, but no more) and they trust each other.  
>  About Destiel… I put it as a side pairing, but there really isn’t much of it, it’s more of a plot device to leave Sam and Gadreel alone, but anyway I imagined it more as a queer platonic relationship between aro!Dean and ace!Cas, with the headcanon that they make a lot of jokes that seem sexual while they actually aren’t (like they say “We are going to have fun in the bedroom :)” and all they do is having a pillow fight).  
>  And another important thing for the story: I have an headcanon that angels can taste food like humans do. Despite being able to taste all the molecules, like Castiel says in season 9, if their vessel has experienced the taste of, for example, chocolate, the angel possessing them can recall the taste and enjoy the food (choosing to not focus on the molecules). They don’t realize they are using their vessel’s memory (and so being influenced by their preferences), so for them it’s just like eating. Of course, since Castiel has been human he can use his memories as well to taste food, so what he has personally tasted is not influenced by Jimmy’s brain.  
>  One last thing: I apologize for any mistakes, English isn’t my first language and probably some expressions will sound “unnatural”. I did my best, but yeah, it’s surely not enough to make it perfect. Enjoy! (I hope)  
>   
>  **Edit 15/08/2017** : This work is pretty old and- not really good, lol. I don't want to delete it because it was for an exchange so it doesn't seem fair, _but_ if you came here after reading more recent stories (or if you came here at all, actually)... don't judge me, I know I should probablty rewrite it XD

The pain in his back was expected, but left him breathless anyway. Sam was pretty sure that he opened his mouth to curse but could find no voice to do it, so he just tightened the grip on the shapeshifter’s wrist with both hands, trying to prevent it from slaying his throat with a knife.  
Sam’s legs moved in vain in the sewer water, while the knife became a little bit closer each breath he took. _Come on, come on_ , he thought, trying to push harder, to fight harder. _Come on_ , it almost sounded like a prayer in his head and in a couple of seconds an angel came to answer: Gadreel put a silver knife in the monster’s back; he had moved so quickly and quietly that neither Sam nor the shapeshifter had seen him coming, so the hunter’s arms, without the pressure of the monster trying to kill him, pushed the corpse away, on the angel, who almost lost his balance.  
“Sorry” Sam muttered, breathing heavily and massaging his wrist.  
“There’s nothing to be sorry for” Gadreel answered, offering him an helping hand to get up. Sam accepted it and has soon as he was standing he realized how bad his back hurt. The only thing he wanted now was to lay in bed and _relax_. Why couldn’t the monsters take a week off at least for Christmas holidays?  
“Are you alright?” Gadreel asked, checking him out with a worried look on his face.  
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Thanks” Sam answered. He smiled in an attempt to let the angel know that he did good and that his concern was appreciated. “We should find Dean and Cas and tell them the shapeshifter is taken care of”  
“I suppose so”  
   
-  
   
“The next time I say ‘we shouldn’t split up’, you’d better listen to me” Dean muttered, putting the medicines on his brother’s bed as Sam lied down on his stomach, sighing.  
“I am _fine_ ”  
“And that’s why I’m putting a baby cream on your back”  
Sam rolled his eyes. “Splitting up was the best option. And Cas agreed with me”  
“Yet, you got hurt”  
“We often get hurt. It’s our job”  
Sometimes, Sam wanted to crash his brother’s neck. As much as he loved him, he was a real pain in the ass when he played the drama queen. He was acting like he had risked to bleed out on the floor. At the same time, though, his concern was reassuring: it made him feel safe, protected, it was a confirm that he still had his back.  
“Or maybe you are just becoming old and slow” Dean suggested. Even if he couldn’t see him, Sam could _feel_ his smirk.  
“Dude, you are older than I am”  
“True. In fact I am wiser and I have more experience, but I still look and fight like I’m twenty”  
“Sure, make yourself believe that”  
   
-  
   
Sam and Dean hadn’t the habit to celebrate Christmas more than it was necessary. Usually, they bought each other a present, shared a beer and watched some TV, but that was pretty much it. No tree, no decorations around the bunker, just the two of them appreciating each other company as if they didn’t live shoulder to shoulder the whole year.  
Since when Castiel had settled in the bunker and had started to embrace the human life more and more, he had talked about all the traditional holidays on Earth more than once, and Christmas seemed particularly appealing to him. The angel had asked Sam to use his laptop for some research, and later the hunter had found his Google history filled with sites about Christmas traditions.  
As much as Dean would have never admitted it out loud, he had a soft spot for Castiel, a _really_ soft spot, so when the angel had asked him to go shopping to look Christmas decorations, the hunter hadn’t even pretended to be opposed to the initiative. Of course, they had all been asked if they minded celebrating, but Sam had nothing against it, after all, and Gadreel rarely stated his opinion, so there was nothing to contain Castiel’s Christmas spirit.  
   
“May I?”  
Sam glanced at Gadreel and nodded, holding his cup of coffee tight to avoid spilling its content all over his bed as he shifted to let the angel stay under the blanket with him. Gadreel carefully put his arm around Sam’s shoulder, looking at him in a questioning way, waiting for him to say if it made him uncomfortable or if he didn’t want to be touched in that moment. Sam smiled to let him know that it was alright, relaxing as he felt the warmth of the angel’s body beside him.  
“Do you enjoy Christmas, Sam?”  
Probably, had he not been familiar with the connection they shared and how deep their knowledge of the other was, Sam would have been surprised by that question, since he had done nothing to let Gadreel guess that he liked the holiday any less that Castiel or Dean did. But he was getting used to speaking to someone who knew his head like his own, and it was even comforting at times.  
“I used not to like it. Once Dean wanted to celebrate and I even refused, even if I changed my mind later. It was back when I resented my life and I still longed for a normal future, one without monsters, with a wife, kids…” Sam paused. “Now, I am happy with my life. I mean, it’s not the best, but- my family is great, I have a home… It may not be what normal people wish for, but it’s my life and I am no longer trying to change it”  
Gadreel nodded. “I understand”  
“I know you do. So, to answer your question, now I guess I don’t mind Christmas. It’s about family, after all, and I like mine”  
There was silence for a few moments and Sam put the empty cup on the bed table, glancing at the Christmas comedy that had begun on TV. He had never liked those kind of movies, they were all the same and he didn’t even find them funny.  
“During Christmas you are supposed to give presents to your family, am I correct?” Gadreel asked, frowning just like every time Sam had seen him struggle to grasp an human concept.  
“Yeah, pretty much” he answered. Gadreel said nothing, so Sam went on: “You don’t _have_ to if you don’t want to. The tradition says that you buy presents on Christmas, but to me it’s more like having an excuse to show affection to your loved ones. You can do it, if you want, but there’s no obligation”  
Gadreel looked at him, trying to assimilate the concept.  
“Would it be… appropriate of me to give something to your brother and Castiel?” he asked, shyly.  
Even though Sam had seen it coming since when the angel had started talking about presents, he waited a couple of seconds before answering. There was no need to think about Castiel, since Gadreel could have bought him an empty pink box and he would have been over the moon, but it was Dean he was worried about. He knew his brother and he was rather positive that he wouldn’t have been rude to Gadreel, had he given him a present, but he wasn’t too sure that he would have been _comfortable_ with it.  
Dean had stopped being blatantly resentful towards Gadreel, but it was clear that he didn’t exactly _like_ the angel. Sure, he had admitted that he was useful for their work and that he didn’t cause trouble, quiet and reserved as he was, but he had almost kicked him out of the bunker when Sam had decided to talk with him about the fact that they were growing closer, even if theirs wasn’t a traditional “romantic relationship” and he had been rather suspicious about him since then. Sam got it: it was understandable that he feared that Gadreel just wanted to mess with them once again, but this was no good reason to let him treat so poorly someone who was trying his best.  
Dean seemed to have understood, more or less, and hadn’t tried to kill or threaten him in any way, but he had decided to just ignore his existence most of the time.  
Sam wasn’t sure what his reaction would have been, had he received a present from Gadreel. But, after all, it was worth a try. He felt like Dean wouldn’t mind one more gift.  
“Yeah. Sure” he finally answered. “We can go now, if you need any help”  
Gadreel seemed reassured. “It would be really kind of you, Sam”  
   
   
Sam found out that Dean and Castiel had predictably left with the Impala, so he had to use Castiel’s car, whose keys had been left in the garage, as usual.  
Gadreel carefully sat shotgun, looking around the car as if he saw it for the first time. Sam had no idea what he was thinking about, but he decided not to ask, starting the car instead.  
They journey was quiet: Sam concentrated on the road, thinking about what the angel could have bought just in case he needed advice, while Gadreel looked outside, probably considering once again how slow the humans moved. He had confessed once that he did appreciate it: flying was incredibly fast, it allowed angels to move from place to place in the shortest time possible, but in doing so it prevented them from observing the Earth. Gadreel said that he loved looking at the road, at the plants and the houses around them: he found it all beautiful, especially the products of men, since he was particularly fascinated by the humans’ creativity.  
“Angels have no such thing as a creative mind:” he had explained “we follow orders, we protect humans, we love you and God both, we fight, but we do not create. Maybe because we know that He is the creator and we do not need to generate anything”  
Sam always found extremely fascinating hearing him speaking about Heaven and the angels: Castiel wasn’t too prone to talk about his brothers, and all the information the Winchesters had made them picture Heaven as a fucked up place inhabited by douchebags. Gadreel, though, had been imprisoned before all the corruption and disaster, before the fall of men and all the problems that followed: he talked about Heaven as the dreamy place Sam had always imagined when he was a kid, he described the angels as protectors of humanity, letting him hope for a place upstairs white and peaceful. Sam knew too well that it wasn’t like that anymore, but it _had been_ , it was _real_ once, and for some reason this mattered a lot.  
“Do you have any ideas for the presents?” Sam asked. He needed to know if there was a particular place he needed to go to or if they would have just walked around the city looking for something to buy. He and Dean had done this once, the day before their father’s birthday, when they were so desperate for something to give him that they bought an apron with a bold text which said: “Super daddy”. John had laughed really hard and had worn it while cooking dinner – Dean had sighed in relief, because he was 100% sure that they would have been brutally killed because of that present.  
“Actually, I don’t. I was trying to imagine what they would find appropriate and what they would fancy, but I can’t recall anything”  
Sam nodded.  
“Don’t worry, we’ll find something”  
   
   
-  
   
   
Sam had always found amazing how different the cities appeared during Christmas holidays. Maybe it was because of all the decorations around the shops, or all the people laughing and hurrying to buy the last presents. Sam kind of liked the atmosphere of joy around there, but at the same time he wasn’t too fond of the crowded streets that made it almost impossible to walk, to not speak about how difficult it was to find a place where he could park the car.  
“Alright, there are many shops around here” Sam announced, glancing at Gadreel, whose amazed expression as he looked at the Christmas light hanged everywhere reminded the face of a child in front of his first rainbow.  
“I see” Gadreel said, turning to face him and give him his full attention.  
“The present usually is something that you think your friend or brother, whatever, may like, but you can also choose something that represents your relationship or your love for them”  
Gadreel nodded. “I understand”  
“Good” Sam replied “Now… Try to think about Cas. What does he like?”  
They were walking across the street, their arms touching as they tried to hear each other over all the voices around them. Sam was looking at the shop windows, trying to find something to recommend to the angel.  
“Humanity” Gadreel answered. Sam chuckled.  
“Yeah, it’s not like you can give him a pack full of humans though”  
A man bumped into Sam, making him almost lose balance and slowing him down. It was a matter of seconds before two people separated him from Gadreel, then three, then four. He hated crowds.  
Gadreel managed to get to him without killing anybody in the process and Sam decided to prevent that from happening again. “Here, hold my hand” he said “There are way too many people in this street”  
Gadreel didn’t comment and simply accepted his hand, holding it tight as if he was afraid that it wouldn’t have been enough. They linked their fingers together, because somehow it felt more comfortable.  
“What about you buy him something typical of Christmas? I’m sure he would love it” Sam suddenly suggested, picturing Castiel wearing a Santa Claus hat while Dean laughed his ass off.  
Gadreel frowned, considering it. “Yes. I think it could be fitting” he said, slowly “I believe we could find something in there”  
Sam turned to face the shop the angel was pointing at: it was a store filled with all the Christmas decorations and budgets he could think of. There were trees, costumes, lights… “It looks perfect! Let’s get in there”  
   
As soon as they opened the door, the notes of the song _Jingle Bell_ filled the room, making Gadreel jump on alert for a second, since he wasn’t used to doors automatically starting a song when opened. Sam smiled.  
“Hello, gentlemen, what can I do for you?”  
A short guy, dressed like a Christmas elf, jumped in front of them, a big smile on his face. Either that man hated his work and was a great actor, or they had just found someone with a bigger Christmas spirit than Castiel.  
“We are just taking a look for now, thanks” Sam smiled politely, dragging Gadreel, who was looking at the man curiously, towards the nearest shelf. It was only then that Sam realized that they were still holding hands even if it was no longer necessary. He didn’t mind.  
“What about these hats?” Sam suggested.  
Gadreel’s attention was immediately dragged by a Santa Claus’ hat with flashing coloured lights on it.  
“He’s gonna love it” Sam chuckled.  
Gadreel smiled. “Do you think he would like this one more?” the angel asked, pointing at an elf hat. It was green and had two big fake ears coming out of it.  
“I am not sure, actually…” Sam confessed. There were many other hats: one with a snowman drawn on it, one with reindeer antlers coming out of it, one with a fake bear and many variations of those. It was hard to say which one Castiel would have liked more.  
“I have an idea!” the hunter suddenly said “We could buy him _four_ hats. So that they will all be his, but when he’ll open the present he’ll keep his favourite for himself and give the others to us and Dean”  
Gadreel immediately got the reason behind his proposal: “So he will not be the only one wearing a funny hat, am I correct?”  
Sam smiled. “Yeah, pretty much”  
Gadreel nodded, looking at him fondly.  
   
They came out of the shop with a red bag. They had left out the hat with the snowman, since it was the less weird and the better looking: it would have been unfair for one of them to wear a good looking hat while others got bears, reindeer antlers and so on.  
Now there was only Dean left. Sam had the feeling that it wouldn’t have been too easy to find something for him that wouldn’t have let Dean know that Gadreel had followed his advice to buy it. Sam didn’t want to be the one who found the present, he just wanted to give Gadreel an helping hand.  
“Now we have to find something for Dean” he announced.  
“Actually… I think I have something in mind” Gadreel said, hesitantly. Sam was taken aback.  
“You do?”  
Gadreel nodded. “He said he has not seen half of the third season of that TV show he likes- _Doctor Sexy_ , I think, and that it was missing in his collection. Is there any way we can buy it?”  
Sam blinked. “Yeah- Of course- It’s a great idea- How do you know that?”  
“He told me” Gadreel answered, simply. Sam frowned. There was something missing, something he didn’t know. Since when did Dean talk with Gadreel about TV shows?  
“When?” he asked. He realised a second too late that he seemed like a jealous boyfriend in high school who checked his significant other’s phone, but his was actually just… curiosity. He wished for Dean to try to give a second chance to Gadreel, and now it seemed like something like that had already happened and he hadn’t even noticed. He wanted to know _how_.  
“Ten days ago, more or less, I believe” Gadreel explained “It was back when you were sick and Castiel went away for a three days and a half”  
Yeah, Sam remembered that: Dean had made him sleep in his room, because in Sam’s there was the TV and there was no way a flu and his need to sleep would have prevented everyone from watching the television. Sam hadn’t protested, since it kind of made sense.  
Castiel, on the other hand, sometimes went out to get some air and stayed away from a couple of days. He called, because Dean would tear him a new one if he forgot, but he needed some time on his own, observing humans and “connecting with his angelic side”.  
“Your brother was watching the television in your room and I asked him if I could join him” Gadreel went on “He didn’t seem too pleased by the situation at first, but then he accepted and even shared his food with me. And at one point he mentioned it”  
Sam did his best to hide his grin, but he blatantly failed. He was so proud of Dean and Gadreel both: his brother had managed to not be a childish asshole – which he _could be_ at times, Sam knew it very well – and he had treated his guest like a buddy, while the angel had found the courage to ask to join him. Sam knew what a big deal acceptance was for Gadreel, so he was able to imagine how hard it must have been.  
“Well, I’m happy about it” Sam said “Let’s go buy the third season of that stupid TV show”  
Sam expected anything but Gadreel trying to convince him about how “fascinating” and “interesting” _Doctor Sexy MD’_ s character dynamics were.  
   
   
-  
   
Sam woke up the 25th of December feeling cold: apparently, his blanket had fallen on the floor. He sighed, looking at his clock only to find out that it was half past seven in the morning and that there was no need to go back to sleep.  
Gadreel was already gone, but it didn’t worry Sam: it was not uncommon for him and Castiel to go for walk at hours like five in the morning.  
He got up, rubbing his face as he walked towards the kitchen, from which came a great smell of pancakes.  
“What are you doing, man?” Sam smiled, already dreaming about eating those delicious looking pancakes. His brother knew his weaknesses too well.  
“Cooking breakfast” Dean replied, without even glancing at him: he was super-concentrated, as if he was defusing a bomb instead of cooking.  
“Is that peanut butter and jelly?” Sam asked, amused, pointing at what his brother was preparing in that moment.  
“No shit, Sherlock” Dean rolled his eyes. Sam had no doubt now: _he was embarrassed as Hell_. “Instead of asking stupid questions, is there anything that your new angel buddy likes?”  
Sam blinked. He wasn’t sure that Dean had said what he believed he had heard. “What?”  
Dean’s ears where so red that it looked like they could have blown up any moment and Sam couldn’t hide that he found it incredibly funny. “ _Gadreel_. What’s his favourite food? And don’t look at me like that: the guy saved your life, I owe him one!”  
“Uhm- Yeah-” Sam chuckled. He couldn’t believe it: Dean was including Gadreel in his Christmas breakfast, which apparently was his present that year. He didn’t want him to feel singled out, while at first he had done his best to make him remember that he didn’t belong and that he had not been forgiven. That had to be a Christmas miracle. Not that Sam didn’t expect Dean to accept Gadreel, sooner or later, the point was that he believed that it would have been more later than sooner. “Alright, alright. He loves coffee” Sam finally told him.  
Dean nodded, finishing the breakfast for Castiel and turning towards the shelf behind him to get the coffee. Sam stared at him, feeling kind of… warm.  
“Are you going to just stare at me forever or can you try to do something useful and call Cas?” Dean asked, suddenly turning towards him. “I know I am gorgeous, but try to learn some self-control”  
Sam nodded. “Alright, alright” He smirked. “Dean… _You are really a sweetheart_ ”  
Before his brother could actually grasp the meaning of what he had just said, Sam had disappeared.  
   
When Dean handed him the coffee, Gadreel seemed beyond surprised. Sam couldn’t help smiling at the disbelief on his face, Dean’s embarrassment and the angel’s heartfelt “Thank you” after a couple of seconds of silence. Dean muttered “You’re welcome”, eating the words and quickly concentrating on his pancakes.  
A quick glance at his right confirmed to Sam that Castiel found them as cute as he did.  
   
   
-  
   
“Alright, who’s opening the presents first?” Dean asked.  
They were sitting in a living room, a pile of presents in front of them. Sam couldn’t resist and he proposed: “Cas!”  
Dean looked at him suspiciously and Sam gave him an angelic smile, masking his grin. Castiel seemed pretty confused for a couple of seconds, but he was too enthusiastic to refuse and assaulted his first present. It was Sam’s.  
The package was homemade, so it looked pretty shitty according to him, but the Christmas red paper with many little snowmen on it looked awesome. It took a couple of seconds at most for Castiel to open his present and find a sweater with a big bold “C” on it. It was red with green and gold decorations, in perfect Christmas style.  
“Oh my God” Dean said, face palming “Is _that_ that you were doing in your room?”  
Sam blushed a little. “I find knitting very relaxing” he protested. It was true: he had discovered it one of the many night he was awaken due to his nightmares and he had decided to pass the time using his laptop; he found himself looking on Google for relaxing activities, and thought that knitting could have been interesting and a good way to fabricate personal Christmas presents, once he would have become more expert. He found out that it _was_ relaxing.  
Of course, when the nightmares were keeping him awake that activity couldn’t do anything to make him go back to sleep, but it helped filling those moments of the day in which what he desperately needed was to not concentrate on his thoughts and memories.  
“Yeah, alright, whatever you say, grandma” Dean grinned, as Castiel stayed quiet and admired his present.  
“Hem- Do you like it?” Sam asked after a while, looking at Castiel, who immediately glanced at him.  
“I love it!” the angel exclaimed “It’s beautiful, Sam! Thank you!”  
Sam smiled. “You’re welcome”  
“ _Dude_ , you didn’t make that thing for me too, did you?” Dean asked, worryingly. Sam grinned.  
“You’ll find out soon”  
The following one was from Gadreel and Sam was trying not to start laughing already. As soon as Castiel opened it, his eyes widened in excitement and a big amused smile showed on his face.  
“What’s in there?” Dean asked, moving closer to look into the package. “Oh, son of a- No, Cas, I’m _not_ ” he screamed, as soon as Castiel started looking at him perversely.  
“Come on, Dean” Castiel tried to convince him. He had already put the hat with the flashing lights on.  
Sam moved a little bit closer to Gadreel, only to whisper: “I bet he’ll give in in less than two minutes”  
The angel smiled slightly, while Castiel put the elf hat on Dean’s head.  
“Told you” Sam chuckled. Dean was muttering his disapproval, but Castiel was too busy staring adoringly at his hats, Sam’s sweater on as he started to look like a Christmas tree.  
“Thank you, brother!” Castiel told Gadreel. He looked like a child with that hat.  
Sam couldn’t help but notice for the millionth time how much difficult it was for Gadreel to handle thankfulness from any of them. Part of him still believed that he would have never been completely forgiven, that he needed to make up for his mistakes and find the redemption that death didn’t grant him, since he had been mysteriously brought back.  
“It was my pleasure” Gadreel replied.  
Sam reached out for Castiel, asking for the hats. He put the one with the reindeer antlers on his own head and made Gadreel wear the one with the beard.  
“You look _awesome_ ” he laughed.  
“Now you look more like God than an angel” Dean added, laughing his ass off. They all looked ridiculous, and Sam pointed out: “Shut up, you little elf! Good choice, Cas, he is short so that hat is fitting”  
“I am not short, it’s not my fault that you are a giant!” Dean protested. Sam could hear Gadreel slightly chuckling by his side.  
“You are _short_ ” Sam insisted.  
“Whatever, I am still your big brother, I _rule_ ”  
It was Castiel who stopped them, pointing out that it was Dean’s turn to open his present.  
He started with Sam’s, praying loudly that it wasn’t “an ugly sweater” – “Dean! The sweater he gave me is _awesome_ ” – only to blatantly sigh in relief as he found out it was a scarf instead. There was still a “D” in the left angle, but it was more of his taste than a sweater.  
“Thanks, Sammy, I was really _terrified_ ” he said, putting it on as he reached for the other present. Sam knew very well that he would have appreciated it a lot anyway, sweater of scarf, but he didn’t point that out.  
“You’re welcome. Next year it will be underwear. Pink underwear” he smirked instead.  
“Don’t you dare!” Dean threatened him, using Gadreel’s present as a weapon. Sam just laughed.  
When his brother started opening the gift, Sam could feel Gadreel tense beside him. He touched his hand, hoping for him to calm down, because Dean was going to absolutely love it, there was no way around that.  
As soon as he opened the package, Dean was left speechless for what felt like an eternity, then he looked up, straight towards Gadreel, his eyes open wide. Fuck, with that hat on Sam couldn’t take him seriously.  
“Man- Are you kidding me?!” was the first thing that Dean managed to say “It’s the fucking _third_ season! It’s great, this is great, I need to watch it!”  
Dean had jumped on his feet, the present in his hands, and he really looked like an authentic happy elf. Or a kid with an elf costume. “Christ, you have an ugly beard but you make great presents, buddy!” he kept declaring.  
Sam smiled, turning towards Gadreel. His face was partially covered by the fake beard, but it wasn’t difficult to imagine his relieved smile.  
“It means ‘thank you’” Sam translated.  
   
   
Sam and Gadreel had been left alone on the sofa. Dean had announced that Castiel needed to give him his Christmas present, winking as Sam rolled his eyes. They would have been back after a while to keep celebrating with them, probably.  
Sam swallowed, glancing at the present hidden behind the tree. He hadn’t brought it out because Gadreel had nothing for him and he didn’t want to make him uncomfortable with that gift. It had occurred to him at work already done, since he really hadn’t done it to get something in return, but he knew very well that Gadreel would have felt terribly guilty knowing that he had nothing to give to him in exchange.  
“Sam”  
He turned to face Gadreel, who had took off the hat and whose expression was a mixture of fear, uncertainty and shyness.  
“Yeah?”  
“I- I wanted to thank you” he began “I needed to thank for all that you have done for me. I did you a terrible wrong but you still- you accepted me anyway. You didn’t have to, I wasn’t useful anymore, but you accepted me. And I am endlessly grateful for that”  
“We have talked about this, Gadreel” Sam replied, as gently as he could “People make mistakes. Terrible mistakes, sometimes. But that doesn’t mean that they can’t be forgiven and that they’ll have to live in shame forever”  
“You more than anyone else had reasons to not think such things” Gadreel said “But you have a great heart, Sam Winchester. You are the most beautiful human I have ever met. If I ever did one thing right, it was helping you, because you deserve life more than anyone else”  
Sam didn’t know what to answer; he was suited to being quiet around Gadreel, they shared more silences than words, but this time he felt like he needed to say something and he was failing.  
“I have something for you” Gadreel fortunately went on “I am afraid you won’t like it, but- It’s the only thing I could think of”  
The angel stood up walked towards the library: he had hidden a present behind some books neither Sam nor his brother had ever paid attention to, since they were about botanic.  
The package was obviously homemade with paper that didn’t even have a Christmas theme, but Sam couldn’t care less. When he opened the package, he found two books.  
“Are this-?” he asked, with disbelief.  
“They are books about angels and Heaven in particular. They were written in Enochian, so I translated them… I thought that maybe… you would have been interested”  
Sam was aware that he had a big stupid smile on his face and that he was still wearing that stupid hat, but he couldn’t care less at that point. He was finding out that Gadreel was extremely observant: they had come across those books once, in the library and Sam had quickly commented that he would have loved to read them, had they not been written in Enochian. And now here they were, translated.  
“Thank you” Sam finally said. He hesitated for a second before reaching for him and pulling him into a hug. “It’s a beautiful gift” he said “Thank you, Gadreel, I can’t wait to read them”  
Holding him felt like breathing after a long time under the water, but he didn’t realize how desperate he had been for that contact until he let go, saying that he had something for him too. The look of disbelief on Gadreel’s face distracted him from his own sensations.  
“It’s nothing special, your gift is far better, but… here it is” he said, handing it to him. Gadreel’s expression screamed that whatever it was he would have loved it.  
Predictably, it was another sweater, with a “G” on it. The angel observed it, silently.  
“I guess this year I made a- a family present, or something. That’s the Christmas family sweater and I decided to make you one too. Because, you know, you are one of us now”  
Gadreel was still quiet and Sam was beginning to worry. Fuck, he just wanted to… Make him understand that he belonged, that he was part of the family now. He knew that Gadreel still needed to completely understand and accept that, and he also knew that his present was much better and absolutely more useful, but he thought that maybe it would have been a good idea. Maybe he should have done something different for him instead, maybe he had completely misunderstood him and what Gadreel actually needed was to feel _different_ , was for Sam to show him that he was important enough to think of something else for him.  
“Hey, are you okay?” the hunter asked, touching his shoulder “Listen, I know it’s not-”  
Gadreel didn’t let him finish: he let go the sweater, which fell on the ground, but Sam paid no attention to it as the angel placed an hand on his arm, giving him the time to back away. Sam didn’t and he found himself pulled into another hug. Before, Gadreel had simply let the hunter hold him, burying his head into Sam’s shoulder. Now, the angel was holding onto him, tightening his fingers around his shirt. He wasn’t sobbing, but somehow Sam was able to recognize from his breathing that he was crying, or at least teary-eyed.  
He held him back, whispering “I got you” and “It’s alright”, smiling because he felt like Gadreel was becoming closer and closer to the acceptance that he had gained his place there and that death wasn’t the closure he needed, the only way out.  
 


End file.
